Cat Naming Contest

My friend, Jen, seeks help finding a name for her new cat:

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Ok, y’all. Rick and I are getting a new kitty on Monday. I’ve decided that we need to have a little contest for names. If someone can come up with something better than our current choice, you will win the grand prize. We will also choose the best second, third, and fourth suggestions.

Now, if you are receiving this email, you ought know Rick and I are not the types to name a cat Jeff or something boring like that. Also nothing cute and fluffy like snowball or snowflake or crap like that. Don’t take offense, that’s just not us.

So put on those thinking caps and come up with something really creative! You could win one of these fabulous prizes…

Grand Prize: 2005 KIA Sedona*

Second Prize: A delicious trout*

Third Prize: Three pieces of rock candy*

Honorable Mention: Will be mentioned

Ah, c’mon! It’ll be fun!

Jen

*All prizes are subject to availability and are largely fictional.

My reply:

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Don't get too cerebral: I made the mistake, in Louisiana back in 1988, of naming my new kittens from the same litter after mythological characters I was reading up on at the time. These sister kitties were always into mischief; I'd attend to one and the other would start tearing up something. When I went after her, the other would be stropping my sofa. Back and forth, trouble!

In Greek mythology, Scylla was a horrible six-headed monster who lived on a rock on one side of a narrow strait. Charybdis was a whirlpool on the other side. When ships passed close to Scylla’s rock in order to avoid Charybdis, she would seize and devour their sailors. Scylla and Charybdis symbolize having to choose between two unpleasant alternatives.

So it was obvious: I would call them Scylla and Charybdis! Appropriate names, but most of my friends and neighbors could not remember these names. Scylla and Charybdis did not seem to know their own names. Eventually they got shortened (and simplified) to "Silly" and "Carrie." In their later years they mellowed out and finally responded to Silly and Carrie. No more "rock and a hard place!"

So don't do cerebral (Scylla or Charybdis), don't do pedestrian (Mittens), and don't be TOO clever. I think John Lennon once had a cat named "Jesus," so that's been done.

You know the game that reveals your Porn Star name? Take the name of your childhood (or current) pet and combine it with the street name you grew up on (or your current street). (My Porn Star name? Spike Bush!) How about working backwards, and name your kitty after your favorite porn star?

Ultimately, it will be something about your new kitty's personality of circumstances that will determine its name. But to throw something in the hat for the contest, how about "Fuzzy?" (catch-phrases are endless: "Heeey... it's Arthur Fuzzarelli!" "Here comes the Fuzz!" etc.) "Fuzzy" was briefly my old nickname, so there would be a bit of a legacy.

Let me know if I win a prize!
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Stay tuned for updates on this cat-contest!